While Father is Away

Even though my father had failed me in the past, I still believed him to be my protector. This was simply because, at the end of the day - things were clearly worse when father is away. Mother is even more cruel, and I get nastier punishments.Unfortunately, father is slowly and slowly drifting away from this madhouse, leaving me in the rear-view mirror. I don't exactly blame him, though. Even when he was home, he was forbidden to spend time with me. Mother said he gave me "too much attention." This sucked every morsel of hope out of me. Father was all that I had, and he had just been ripped away.When he was away, Mother fed me even less. I remember, once, going without food for ten days. She made sure I had no way of stealing it either. Mother liked to mock my misery. She'd lay a big plate of food in front of me, and right before I could dig in - she'd say I was taking too long and snatch the plate away. By now, her punishments got worse. She created a home made gas chamber in our bathroom, just for me. This nearly scared me to death the first time, but I've gotten used to it. Though it does slow down my pace, and if my chores don't get done on time it would mean more punishments. When she didn't feel like punishing me, she'd send me out to do neighbor hood yard work. She liked this for two main reasons. One, It got me out of the house, which gave her a "break." And two, I made money for her. One time, an old woman gave me a sack of lunch. As it never fails, Mother caught me. My punishment was new. She put me in the tub filled with freezing cold water for hours. Then, she'd make me dress myself without drying myself off (this soaked my clothes) and sent me out back to sit id the shade for the remainder of the evening. This was the worst of punishments. I hated it. Towards the end of the summer, Mother stopped this nonsense. She spoke to me with the loving heart I once knew. She said she was sorry and wanted to forget all of the bad things that happened between us. She wanted to end it, and she wanted to apologize. I couldn't believe it. She even told me she loved me! I couldn't tell you how excited I was. I expected it to be over by the morning, but it wasn't. It wasn't until the next day when a nice woman came. She was from Children Services. She asked us a series of questions, and I replied all with a smile. Ever since Mother said she loved me, I'd had a warm spot in my tummy. The woman asked me if Mother ever beat me. Then it hit me. Things aren't really over. This was all a cover up. Mother had tricked me. How could I be so stupid? I told to woman Mother punished me, but only when I was bad. The second she walked out of the door, Mother gave me that look. That "I hate you and I'm about to show you what hate it" look. Which only proved my newly discovered theory. How could I let this happen? I should have known. I should have gone with my gut. I truly hated myself for this one. I then knew that the only thing I could do, is accept my fate. After that, my father moved away. Away, away. Mother and Father separated. I could no longer hope to be saved by him. It was a lost cause. I have feared my life, and half felt relieved that soon enough I'd just be dead.